consequently i now know what mace tastes like
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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