She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
