So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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