Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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