I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
