sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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