john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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