3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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