You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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