shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
