I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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