My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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