The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
