You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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