the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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