I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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