Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
