4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
