I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize