The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
