if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
