If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
