You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize