I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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