Plan B is the new Plan A
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
