Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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