I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
