Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
