I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
