We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
