1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
