Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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