READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize