If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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