So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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