no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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