Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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