My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
