Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram

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(937): View more from Ohio

Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.

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(435): View more from Utah

Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

(507): View more from Minnesota

Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”

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