bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
