she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize