He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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