Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
