You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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