I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
