No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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