FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
