you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
