Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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