I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
