I think scott just propositioned me for sex
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
