we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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