it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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