Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
