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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
