I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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