I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
