Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
