I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
