I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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