I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
