I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
