is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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