Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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