in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
