If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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