DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
