If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
