my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
