Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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