dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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