I think I won the penis lottery.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
