I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
