Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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