Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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