I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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