I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
