i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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