I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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